This next story has some limitations. It is written in first person, the character has lost their memory, has no idea how they ended up where they are, needs to get Berlin from Wellington, New Zealand for a will reading to inherit fifty million euros from a deceased relative. Read on

I wake up to find myself immersed in an ice bath. Looking to my left there is a table with surgical equipment on it. Seeing the table with all the equipment on it sends a twinge of fear down my body, or is that just the low temperature of the bath making me shiver? How did I get here? Who else is in this warehouse? I didn’t know. I stood up and checked myself for any marks or the like. None. I was fine. My next task was to find some clothes.

On a table next to the wall of the empty warehouse is a table with a pile of clothes on it. I put on the clothes. Now I’m a walking advertisement for Jordan. There’s a glint in the corner of my eye. My curiosity is piqued. I walk over to where I saw the glint and find some shuriken (throwing stars). Into my pockets they go for I might need them later.

Now to listen for anyone else in here. I stop moving and start listening. There are other people in here with me!

The voices are quite faint, so I crouch and sneak up to the second level of the warehouse to hear the voices more clearly. At the top of the stairs, there is an open door to my right with a wall I can hide behind and eavesdrop. I hide and listen to the two people talking. They are talking about cutting me open and harvesting my organs! Good thing they don’t know I’m here which gives me the element of surprise.

I take two shuriken out of my pocket, remembering what my sensei Ryu Hayabusa taught me about how to throw shuriken. I correct my grip, pop out from behind the corner wall, throw the two stars in quick succession nailing both guys between the eyes.

Approaching the now dead guys, I take the Gold Card out of the head guys’ wallet. “Pfft. He’s dead. I’ll keep it.” I thought to myself. So I kept the wallet. But throw away the ID because I’m not a 65 yr old head scientist from Wales.

Heading back downstairs, the phone on the table starts to buzz. Google Maps tells me I am in Wellington, New Zealand. It contains a message for Andrew (I’m guessing that’s me) saying my Great Grandmother has passed away. The reading of her will is in 30hrs at Berlin, Germany.

Taking the Kawasaki Ninja motorbike that was parked outside the warehouse, fortunately for me the keys were still in the ignition! Now equipped with a Gold Card and some throwing stars (only to use as a last resort), I turn the key that is in the bikes’ ignition and hear it roar to life. There was no helmet around, so I grabbed a nearby box and poked two holes in it, then put that on my head. Gunning the bikes’ throttle, I’m now headed for the airport.

After reaching the airport, I’m met by a strange valet who seems to only talk nothing but insults. At first, there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what he was saying but the more I listened, the more I understood what he was actually saying. Between each insult he would say two words that made sense. For example, when I first rode up and said Hello, he replied “You’re a pig. HELLO. Show me your fast ball dust brain.” After deciphering his sentences, I knew I had to get to gate 4 and buy a ticket to Berlin. Money wasn’t an object since I am using someone else’s Gold Card but there was only one seat left and it was in First Class. “Gee, what on earth will I do? Go first class or not go?” I thought sarcastically. Purchasing the first class ticket and boarding the plane, it was time relax. Or so I thought. There was an assassin here in the first class section, which I knew because his clothes were a dead giveaway. Midway to Berlin for the will reading, the assassin tried to kill me (per his orders) via some sort of pill in my champagne, which I spotted mainly because it fizzed a dark yellow colour whereas the champagne was a very pale colour. I asked the stewardess on duty for a new glass but not before deliberately nicking my finger on the edge of the glass to make it look innocent. Assassin 0, Me 1.

I avoided drinking anything except bottled water for the rest of the flight. On arrival to Berlin, everyone spoke German (big surprise there) which meant I needed to buy two things. First, a German phrasebook. Second, some wheels. I found the phrasebook in the airport giftshop. Now for a set of wheels. Being Germany, I saw Mercedes Benz’ all over the place. I jumped in the nearest taxi after exiting the airport and asked the driver to take me to the nearest Mercedes car dealership. The driver looked back at me, the taxi driver was the assassin from the airplane! I didn’t have time to deal him, so I quickly got a single shuriken out of my pocket and threw it straight at him, hitting him in the forehead. Pushing his corpse out of the car, I took the wheel of the taxi (which had GPS). Using the street directory in the taxi, I plugged in the address of the nearest Mercedes dealership.

When I got to the car yard, I knew exactly what I wanted. I asked the guy who greeted me “I want to buy a Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren. Do you have any here?” To my relief, he spoke some English, so he understood what I said. He returned five minutes later, driving exactly what I had asked for, in silver. Using the Gold Card to pay for it, I jumped in the drivers seat, then floored it. I only had 15mins to go before the reading of the will started and I had to get to the church which was 20kms away.

Going full throttle all the way to the church, I learnt how to drift very well, needing to take most corners at high speed. The car is a manual, which made things easier. Reaching the church with 3 mins to spare, I jumped out taking the keys with me in one swift motion, then legged it up the steps and into the building.

The lawyer was just starting to read the will as I managed to take a seat with a minimum of fuss. After mentioning this, that and the other, he finally read out that my Great Grandmother had left me fifty million euros! To claim it, there were a few papers I had to sign.

Along with the Gold Card I snagged from the dead scientist, I don’t think money will ever be a problem again. Signing the papers and claiming the fifty million, I decided to stay in Berlin. I wanted to keep the bitchin’ car I bought a little earlier and using the Gold Card, I bought a house in the rich suburbs of Berlin not long after. Nothing too big, just a two storey house made of the best materials with a one car garage. 

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